What if we started a discussion about modesty by talking first about Jesus?
Have you ever thought of Jesus as a modest person, in his demeanor, his conduct, his speech, and even his appearance? As disciples of Christ, let's approach the “sensitive” subject of modesty by asking, “How can we imitate and honor the modesty of our Master in our thoughts, words, relationships, appearance, and deeds?” When that is our aim, our only aim, we will find it much easier to make the everyday external choices regarding how we dress and act.
Regarding Jesus’ own modesty, let’s consider a revealing statement in Matthew 21:5. In his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, he fulfilled the “modesty” prophecy found in Zechariah 9:9.
Matt 21:5 “Say to the daughter of Zion, ‘Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, and mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.’”
The way we dress, speak, and act can say a lot about who we are, what we believe, and what we seek. The world urges us to dress less and show more, to promote ourselves, and to draw attention to ourselves. “Fit in! Impress others with how you look, how you live, and how much you have! Attract the opposite sex! Look cool and cute!” However, Jesus’ life tells a far different story.
Modesty and Jesus Christ
The prophet Isaiah predicted Jesus’ modesty 700+ years before his birth.
Isa 53:2 … He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.
Isa 42:1 Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Spirit upon him; he will bring forth justice to the nations. 2 He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street; 3 a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice. 4 He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his law.
The Gospel of Matthew quotes that second passage after noting this about Jesus.
Matt 12:15 Jesus, aware of this, withdrew from there. And many followed him, and he healed them all 16 and ordered them not to make him known. 17 This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah: 18 “Behold, my servant whom I have chosen, my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased. I will put my Spirit upon him, and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles. 19 He will not quarrel or cry aloud, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets; 20 a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory; 21 and in his name the Gentiles will hope.”
Jesus was not showy. His appearance was not particularly attractive or impressive. He wasn’t concerned about being first in line, but rather last. He didn’t seek to enrich himself, but rather to enrich others at his own expense. He didn’t “keep score” using any fleshly, material, social, or economic standards.
In Israel, at several sites, modesty signs and warnings.
What is modesty? It’s common practice to focus first on the external, especially on the dangers of immodest clothing, gaudy jewelry, and an extravagant lifestyle. However, all of these outward elements actually express matters of the heart – one’s attitude, faith, values, and priorities.
For a disciple of Jesus Christ, everything – yes, everything – starts with Jesus Christ. Having died to self and sin, and having been buried with him in baptism, one rises to begin living a transformed life (Romans 6-8 – read it all!).
Modesty is moderation in one’s estimation of his own abilities, accomplishments, or value. It is humility, meekness, reserve or propriety in speech, dress, and behavior. To be modest is to focus on what is honorable, respectable, decent, and appropriate.
Rom 12:3 For by the grace given to me I say to each of you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.
Rom 12:16 … be of the same mind toward one another; be not haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.
Phil 2:3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Jas 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
What is the opposite of modesty? Extravagance, showiness, selfish pride, and narcissism. Improper attempts to impress, attract, and draw others to oneself by behavior, speech, lifestyle, or dress. “Look at me!”
Even when scripture talks about clothing, jewelry, and other outward factors, it connects these elements to one’s prior commitment to Christlike godliness.
Modesty and Adornment: 1 Tim 2:9-10
1 Tim 2:9 Likewise, I want women to adorn (kosmeo*) themselves with proper (kosmios*) clothing, modestly (aidos**) and discreetly (sophrosune***), not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10 but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. *>>>“cosmos” and “cosmetics.”
** With proper respect for convention, even reverence (Heb 12:28). KJV has “shamefacedness,” the ability to feel shame and to blush.
*** With sound judgment, rationality, self-control, moderation.
The Christian woman’s primary adornment: her good works. Why? Because she is all about godliness (reverence for God).
She adorns herself, not with an outward show, highlighting externals, but with good works. Why? Because that’s what fits her claim to godliness.
By the way, the primary issue in this text is overdressing. One can be immodest in either direction. Underdressing – showing too much, needing more clothes. Overdressing – showing off with excessive outward adornment.
How can modesty describe both of these? Because modesty describes the person who does not say, “Look at me based on my outward appearance!” One who seeks to create the WOW factor, either by wearing too little or by dressing extravagantly, is immodest.
Our clothes make a statement. Our appearance, just like our speech and conduct, should not draw undue attention to ourselves.
May our appearance not say “sex,” “money,” or “pride,” but “godliness,” “purity,” and “moderation.”
Modesty and Adornment: 1 Peter 3:1-6
1 Pet 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Again, adornment. Not first of all external, but “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
Its quality and source: that of a gentle and quiet spirit.
Why? Because that’s what God sees and considers as precious.
Because the Christian woman is holy and hopes in God, like Sarah.
She will not compromise. She must not!
Think of Sarah. A beautiful woman, so that Abraham constantly feared that someone would kill him and take her! Yet today we know nothing specific about her physical appearance. What does it matter?
Christians don’t think, speak, act, or dress like the world. We are holy, set apart, and consecrated by God and for God.
Modesty and Principles
A woman – or a man! – whose primary adornment when “getting dressed” for life each day is good works that please God …
and whose primary “claim to fame” is his or her intense desire to be godly …
will naturally speak, act, and dress modestly …
lean on the cautious side and the conscience side …
and welcome the genuine help of others in that shared pursuit.
Modesty is first an attitude, not an action.
It begins with how one dresses the heart, not the body.
The outside reflects the inside, as the fruit reveals the tree.
Modesty and Clothing, Speech, and Behavior
Respect yourself, your privacy, your space, and your value.
Don’t cheapen yourself in your own eyes or the eyes of others.
Be transformed, not conformed. Be different. Be holy. Rom 12:1-2.
Adorn yourself with holiness first, before you speak, act, or dress.
When peers affect your choices, change your peers, not yourself.
Take thought for, respect what is right in the sight of all. Rom 12:17.
Remember: God gave clothes to conceal, not to reveal. Gen 3.
Respect your conscience. When in doubt, cover more, act out less.
Read Every Man’s Battle, Every Woman’s Battle, etc. (Arterburn).
Dress in such a way that most people will not even remember what you wore.
Don’t wear clothes that call attention to yourself but rather to your purity.
Don’t act, speak, or dress in order to tease or tantalize.
Ask yourself why you wear what you wear.
Who do you want to see you, and what do you want them to think or do when they see you.
More like the world, or less like the world.
What statement you make.
Modesty and the Home
Modesty begins in the home. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t preach and teach on the subject. We must! However, nothing takes the place of mom and dad discussing and demonstrating biblical modesty at home.
When a girl or a boy dresses inappropriately, for example, it was the mother or the father, not the preacher or the elders, who bought those clothes! Parents must address the modesty question, not only before our children leave the house, but before even shopping for clothes.
It can be extremely difficult for male church or camp leaders, who are not a girl’s father, to talk directly to her about modesty. So, fathers and mothers, step up! Teach your sons and daughters. This is your job!
Accept your God-given primary responsibility for such instruction.
Begin with the inside, “who you are and whose you are.”
“Because you love God and you respect yourself and others …”
Show how the outside (behavior, speech, and dress) reflects such.
Don’t let them be naïve as to the world’s sexualization and seduction.
Warn them of cultural idols and celebrities who promote immodesty.
Demonstrate Christian modesty by the way you yourself act, dress, and speak.
Modesty and Temptation
Notice with me the complementary truths found in Romans 13:14 and in Romans 14:13. You can remember them by swapping the chapter numbers and the verse numbers – 13:14 and 14:13.
Each follower of Christ is responsible to control his or her eyes, thoughts, desires, and behavior. Scripture exhorts you and me, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14). If one chooses to lust or practice sexual immorality, that person chooses to sin.
At the same time, you and I must “determine not to put an obstacle or stumbling block in the way of a brother” (Romans 14:13). If I know that my brother is very easily tempted by money, for example, I will not knowingly put a pile of cash where he could steal it without being seen!
Likewise, you and I must not act, speak, or dress in a way that we know may cause difficulty for members of the opposite sex. This has always been true, but it is perhaps even more true today than just a few decades ago. Our culture is sex-crazed. Clothing, television, movies, music, pornography, social media, multiple websites, and advertising often seek to heighten sexual desire.
So, remember both 13:14 and 14:13! Guard yourself against sin, but also protect others who may not guard themselves as carefully as youtry to do.
