Modesty: Definitions, Principles, and Questions

1 Tim 2:9 (NASB95) Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10 but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

Here’s a phrase-for-phrase rendition that captures the idea of this text:

1 Tim 2:9 (NLT) And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. 10 For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.

A fine young Christian sister contacted me to ask for thoughts, comments, and conclusions about modesty. How commendable! Let’s define some terms first, then note a few principles, and finally ask some practical questions that will help us make godly decisions in this area.

Let’s Define Some Terms

The English word modesty was first used in the 1530s to mean “freedom from exaggeration, self-control.” The term was taken from Middle French modestie or directly from Latin modestia “moderation, sense of honor, correctness of conduct,” from modestus “moderate, keeping measure, sober, gentle, temperate,” from modus “measure, manner.” The meaning “quality of having a moderate opinion of oneself” is from 1550s; that of “womanly propriety” is from the 1560s.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/modesty

“Modesty” in 1 Tim 2:9 renders the Greek word αἰδώς (aidṓs). This was an old term, rare in Hellenism, revived by Stoicism. It denoted reverence, e.g., for God, divine things, rulers, and parents, as well as respect for laws of hospitality, marriage and family, the state and its laws. Applied inwardly, it could then suggest a “sense of shame” but also a “sense of honor” in contrast to shamelessness or insolence. The only sure instance in the NT is “modest demeanor” in 1 Tim. 2:9. – Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume

Let’s Note Some Principles

Here are some principles that I have accepted and want to emphasize.

Modesty is a trait that godly men – not just godly women – must pursue. We are all called to be humble and self-controlled, to avoid seeking undue attention, and to reject an overemphasis on externals. This post addresses modesty mainly for females because this was the question that was raised. “What do we teach our girls about modesty?”

Modesty in 1 Tim 2:9 is especially used to describe the clothing and outward appearance of Christian women. The primary reason given is not the effect that women’s immodesty may have on men, though that is very real. It is not the loss of reputation that may result from immodesty, though that happens as well. The primary reason given is that Christian women are modest in appearance because they are godly and holy. This motivation must be so strong that it will enable our sisters to resist the world’s pressure to be less than modest.

Modesty does not refer only to one’s outward appearance, but to one’s attitude, speech, and behavior. That is, modest clothing reflects a modest person. One who is humble, godly, and unselfish in heart will speak, act, and dress modestly as a result. Before asking, “What shall I wear?” I want to ask, “What kind of person am I?”

Modesty means that it’s not about me. I don’t have to have the spotlight or be in the center of attention. I don’t have to have people praise me. My identity comes from the God who created me and the Lord who rescued me. I want the attention to be drawn to Christ and not to myself.

Modesty is coupled with “self-control” in 1 Tim 2:9. That word describes one who is taming their pride and their tongue, who is not extravagant or narcissistic, who limits what they say, what they do, and what they wear.

While we all want to look our best and be our best, we do so for the Lord and within appropriate limits. If we speak, behave or act immodestly, in order to draw maximum attention to ourselves, we are not doing so for the Lord, and so we will not stay within appropriate limits.

Here is a complementary passage on this subject, though the specific word “modesty” does not appear here:

1 Pe 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands …

Let’s Ask Some Questions

When making moral decisions it often helps to start with the underlying questions. The first question is not, “Why can’t I wear _____?” We can only answer that question after we have asked the more basic ones. Once we define the primary questions we are really asking, we’ll be much more able to answer the others effectively.

Some may be asking: “How can I get ____ to notice me?” “How can I fit in with all the other girls?” “How can I show that I’m ‘with it’ by wearing the latest styles?” “How far can I go – how short or how low can my clothes be – without going too far or violating a dress code?” “How can I convince my parents that I’m not over-exposing myself?” “How can I change or alter my clothes after I leave the house?” These are dangerous questions!

So let’s choose some very different ones!

Does God care what I wear?

Am I wholeheartedly committed to holiness and godliness, as a genuine disciple of Jesus Christ?

Am I secure in God’s love for me, so that I do not primarily need the approval of others to establish my worth?

Do I consider myself to be modest (humble, self-controlled, sober-minded) in my thoughts, speech, and behavior?

Do others consider me to be modest (humble, self-controlled, sober-minded) in my thoughts, speech, and behavior?

There are two outfits I could wear. Will I choose the one that best reflects my faith and submission to the Lord?

Am I sufficiently aware of sin, temptation, and Satan’s attempts to destroy me and those who see me? Can I describe how these factors relate to the clothes I wear?

I am thinking about wearing ______. Would other godly, Christian girls wear it?

Am I resisting the desire for popularity and the attention of worldly-minded boys by the way I dress and behave?

If another girl were to wear ____, would I consider her to be modest and godly?

If another girl were to wear ____, would it bother my brother or my father?

Am I willing to wear what is more modest, to avoid any issues?

Do I dress in a way that tells “loose” boys, “I am not interested in drawing your attention to me?”

Do I dress in a way that tells godly boys, “I am a child of God who will maintain high standards and not cheapen myself?”

Am I more concerned about my influence and my example than “wowing” people with my appearance and drawing male attention?

Let’s close with a powerful admonition from the Word of God. As we take it to heart, and put it into practice, we will have no trouble being modest in thought, speech, behavior, and dress.

Eph 4:17 So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, 18 being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; 19 and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. 20 But you did not learn Christ in this way, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, 22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

 

Making God Look Good

What do others perceive about God … when they observe you?

Your life may be the first or the primary picture of God that some people see. The things you do, the words you speak, the way you dress, the friends you choose, the attitude you display at work, the interactions you have with your neighbors, and even the way you walk inevitably paint a picture for others who are watching. It’s not just a picture of you; it’s a picture of God, edited, filtered, or “Photoshopped” through your life.

Once you realize that your life is not about you, but rather about Him, your whole perspective changes. Instead of asking yourself, “How does this or that make me look? What will others think of me when they see this or hear this?” You ask, “How does this make God look? What will others think of Him when they see this or hear this?”

Yahweh (the Lord) made each of us, male and female, in His image (Ge 1:26f). That conveys the idea, not only that we already resemble Him in some ways, but also that we are intended to resemble Him in every way that we possibly can. We are, in a very real sense, God’s representatives here on earth.

Of course, Jesus as God in the flesh did this perfectly. So, He could say, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father” (Jn 14:9). Though we are merely imperfect, sinful human beings and not divine, our aim is to live so that others see God in our lives. The hymn, “Have Thine Own Way, Lord,” written by Adelaide A. Pollard, includes the prayer, “Fill with Thy Spirit, ‘til all shall see, Christ only, always, living in me.”

Jesus put it this way: “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven” (Mt 5:16). Peter added by inspiration, “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation” (1 Pe 2:12).

Likewise, the Holy Spirit led Paul to urge first-century slaves “to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect” (Ti 2:9-10). That word “adorn” translates the Greek word cosmeo, from which we derive the words “cosmetics” and “cosmetology.”

What a concept! Our lives can “adorn” or “beautify” the gospel message.

Consider what a young child concludes when hearing that God is their “heavenly Father.” That boy or girl is likely to suppose that God is similar in some important ways to their own earthly father. A father’s realization of this connection can revolutionize his heart, his teaching, and his behavior. He is showing God the Father to his child!

If that father is godly, holy, faithful, kind, generous, fair, firm, and consistent, in that sense he makes God look good! The child thinks, “My heavenly Father must be like that.” If, however, that father is rude, short-tempered, selfish, and worldly, he distorts and tarnishes the image of God that his child sees. He makes God look bad.

Sadly, the Bible records how God’s people sometimes made God look awful, so that the nations even blasphemed or cursed God.

While studying the life of King David in our Bible class, I noted again how his behavior made God look, that is, how his actions reflected on Yahweh and affected others’ view of Him. After David’s sin with Bathsheba and the subsequent death of her husband Uriah which David arranged, the prophet Nathan told him, “… by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme …” (2 Sa 12:14, NASB 95). In other words, the pagan unbelievers who opposed God would show utter contempt for Him because of what David had done.[1]

Paul noted that, though his fellow Jews knew God’s Law, and proclaimed God’s Law, they rejected it by their behavior (Ro 2:17-29). As a result, he wrote, “‘the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you,’ just as it is written” (Ro 2:24). In other words, their conduct made God look bad in the eyes of their pagan neighbors.

Paul was quoting the prophet Isaiah, who lived and preached in Judah in the 700s BC. Yahweh had said through Isaiah that, because of Judah’s sin, the Babylonians would capture and exile God’s people. Not only that; the Babylonians would mock, belittle, and blaspheme Israel’s God (Is 52:5).

God later said through the prophet Ezekiel that, when that exile did occur, Judah profaned (defiled, made common or unclean) His name among the nations. Judah made God look bad! He would bring the people of Judah back home, not for Judah’s sake, but for the sake of His own name, to restore His name in the sight of the nations.

Eze 36:20 “When they came to the nations where they went, they profaned My holy name, because it was said of them, ‘These are the people of the Lord; yet they have come out of His land.’ 21 “But I had concern for My holy name, which the house of Israel had profaned among the nations where they went. 22 “Therefore say to the house of Israel, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for My holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you went. 23 “I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord,” declares the Lord God, “when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight.

In the hymn, “The Love of God,” Laurene Highfield penned these powerful words: “We His glory must reflect, lest our dimness and neglect keep some soul from its God.”

Using a different analogy, Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).

That reminds me of a poem, “The Gospel According to You,” written by Arthur McPhee.

The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
Are read by more than a few,
But the one that is most read and commented on
Is the gospel according to you.

You are writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that you do and the words that you say.
Men read what you write, whether faithless or true,
Say, what is the gospel according to you?

Do men read His truth and His love in your life,
Or has yours been too full of malice and strife?
Does your life speak of evil, or does it ring true?
Say, what is the gospel according to you?

On the one hand, God’s glory is infinite and unstoppable. Ultimately, all will see Him in His full majesty and splendor. Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess His Name (Is 45:23; Rom 14:11; Phil 2:9-11). There is no doubt!

However, between now and then, you and I have a lot to do with the way that other people see the Lord. The way we live as Christians before a watching world portrays God, or paints a picture of God.

When others see our resemblance to Christ, they are much more likely to want our relationship with Christ. May our behavior form a bridge to the Lord and never create a barrier that keeps others from knowing Him.

So, go out today and every day … and make God look good!

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[1] According to the ESV translation, it was David himself, not God’s enemies, who scorned or blasphemed the Lord by his actions. The Hebrew verb form used in this verse can have a causative sense. It can either mean “to scorn” or “to cause [others] to scorn.” So, David’s sin either expressed or caused utter disregard for Yahweh.