This post is the
fourth in a series.
Can you remember how happy you were
when you first married? You began a thrilling new adventure, filled with
excitement, eagerness, and anticipation. You were madly in love. Every day –
every moment – was special. There were no angry words, violent deeds, or episodes
of selfish pouting. There were no arguments about money, material possessions,
annoying personal habits, or anything else. It was, after all, the honeymoon.
However, the word “honeymoon”
originally referred to the initial sweetness of wedded bliss (“honey”), that
was typically expected to last only a month (“moon”)! Well, whether a week, a
month, or even a couple of years, that first sense of euphoria can give way over
time to complacency, laziness, and indifference. It can even turn into
resentment, hostility, and divorce.
For some fun and truth mixed
together, see the “Seven Stages of the Married Cold.” http://www.skywriting.net/inspirational/humor/the_married_cold.html
When a computer or network becomes
sluggish or is infected with a virus, the “System Restore” function makes it
lean, clean, and new once more. The same kind of step may work to revitalize
and rejuvenate your marriage. Don’t give it the boot; give it the reboot!
Today is the first day of the rest – and potentially the best – of
your married life. Decide to start over – right now. Whatever the past, there
is hope for the future, depending on the choices you make in the present. The
Bible is all about rebooting. When Noah and his family left the ark, they
restarted their lives in a clean, fresh world. When the Israelites were
oppressed in Egypt Babylon , God
brought the people of Judah
After Simon
Peter’s denials the resurrected Lord met him near where the disciples were
fishing. He asked Peter three times, “Do you love Me?” Peter could answer
afresh, leaving the past behind and starting over. And so he did.
Researches
agree that marriages tend to go through seven stages. They are:
Excitement:
enjoying the honeymoon.
Realization:
becoming aware of imperfection.
Rebellion:
fighting to get some independence back.
Cooperation:
working together to raise the kids and pay the bills.
Explosion:
dealing with crises, such as loss of job or health.
Completion:
reaching the end of this life, with peace and accomplishment.
For details
see: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/578832-7-stages-of-marriage.html.
How do you
reboot your marriage?
● Seek first the kingdom. Matt
6:33
The strongest
glue between any two people is the unity of spirit they can share in the Lord.
It will sustain them through the toughest times and strongest storms. Over
time, though, struggling couples stop praying, worshiping, and studying the
Bible together. Solution? Get in the Word, on your knees, and in the church. The
closer you are to Jesus, the closer your spouse will want to be to you. As you
follow Him, your wife or husband will naturally receive a better mate as a
result.
● Revisit your happy, early days.
Gen 29:20
The seven
years that Jacob worked to get Rachel seemed to him but a few days, because of
the love he had for her. You likely remember that feeling as well. What
happened to it? How, when, and why? What would it take to get it back?
● Open your heart. 2 Cor 6:11-13
Paul
recognized that the Corinthians had become strained in their affections toward
him. They withheld their love, their warmth, and their attention. The same
thing happens in marriages. Couples allow misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and
past words and deeds to shut down the openness they once shared. They drift
apart because they no longer talk and listen. If they would clear the debris
and remove the blockage, their spirits could be one again.
● Build and strengthen trust
every day. 1 Cor 4:2
As a steward Paul sought first to be
faithful or trustworthy. Trust can take only a moment to be destroyed
but a lifetime to try to rebuild. For a marriage to reboot each spouse must
determine, “Starting today, and every day, I will earn and maintain your trust
regarding where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with. I will never give you
reason to doubt my inetgrity and fidelity.”
● Ask. Don’t assume. Eph 4:29
When a
marriage is in a rut, spouses take each other for granted. Each assumes that
the other knows his or her thoughts, feelings, and needs. Pride keeps them from
seeking each other’s help and counsel. To reboot your marriage, learn what your
spouse feels and needs. Listen more than you talk. Admit what you don’t know.
Follow Eph 4:29, speaking only words that encourage, offer grace, and build up.
● Honor her or him above
yourself. 1 Pet 3:7-8
Prov 31:10
notes that an excellent wife is worth than rubies. A marriage can start fresh
when spouses recognize each other’s value. Starting today, they express both
publicly and privately, “You mean more to me than any other person on earth.”
Do you want to reboot your marriage? Make your mate feel appreciated, affirmed,
and esteemed.
● Do not expect perfection. Ps 103:8-9, 14
Since the Lord
is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, should
we not be the same? Since he does not keep his anger forever, how can we? Since
he knows our frame, and remembers that we are dust, shall we not treat our
spouses likewise?
● Give more than you take. Give
whatever it takes. Matt 5:41
Unhappy
marriages involve spouses who are scorekeepers; they are out to be sure they
get the most points. Renewed marriages focus on giving instead. Unhappy marriages
fail due to lack of commitment. People decide in advance what they are willing
to give, and then they quit. Rebooted marriages thrive on sacrifice, patience,
and kindness. They flourish with thoughtfulness, tenderness, and unselfishness.
● Model Christ and the church.
Eph 5:22-33
Marriages
disintegrate because men will not take the spiritual lead and / or women will not follow their lead. When
the husband parallels Christ as the loving head, and the wife reflects the
church as the submitted bride, their marriage can start fresh and stay that
way.
● Make the most of every day. Heb
3:13
Live so that,
at the end of every day, your spouse will say, “I’m so glad God gave you to me.
I’d say, ‘I do,’ all over again!” As Clint Back wrote: “When I said I do, I
meant that I will 'til the end of all time, Be faithful and true, devoted to
you. That's what I had in mind when I said I do.” I also love these words
from the Forester Sisters: “I'd choose you again. I'd choose you again. If God
gave me the chance to do it all again, oh, I'd carefully consider every choice
and then, out of all the boys in the world, I'd choose you again.”
Cory Collins
1 comment:
Great points, Cory! My relationship with my wife is crucial to my successful walk with Christ! Thank you for reminding us of the important role our marriages play in displaying our commitment to being like Christ.
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