Are You and Your Spouse SOUL Mates … or CELL Mates?

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So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. Gen 29:20

Though there are many degrees in between, and though marriages may be measured in any number of ways, we may consider it as fact that some husbands and wives are soul mates, while others feel more like cell mates. The former seem to have hearts that beat together; the latter may want to beat each other, physically and/or emotionally. Very happy couples sprint hand in hand. Sad couples drag on, feeling locked in handcuffs by the marriage “bond.”

Virtually every person, when marriage begins, thinks he or she has found a soul mate. All is blissful, peaceful, and rewarding. Yet, ironically, months or years later, the joys have turned to chains. The husband (and/or the wife) feels imprisoned and yearns to breathe free! What happened? What can be done about it? If in your marriage you feel like a cell mate …

• Remember and renew the earlier, happier days. When you were free, you chose not to stay that way. Why? Tell your spouse, “I chose you because …” “Some of my favorite memories with you are …” “God blessed us when …”
• Admit the unkind ways you have helped to create the prison. “I have been impatient … unfair … selfish … arrogant.” “I have expected too much, and given too little.” Then, and only then, ask your spouse to take responsibility for his or her part as well.
• Realize that your spouse may feel trapped as well. Give your cell mate some slack, some gratitude, some support. Decrease his or her misery, and you will ease your own. The more you pull on his or her handcuff, the more your own wrist will ache.
• Let some fresh air into the cell. Stop arguing for a week, and talk about areas of agreement, especially basic values. Read the Bible together and pray. Talk about faith, hope, and love. Go for a walk. Share a new hobby and a new church ministry.
• Invite a trusted friend into the cell. An elder or preacher, with his wife, can listen, pray, and offer confidential, godly counsel. So can a trained Christian therapist. Do not be ashamed. Do not deny your struggles. Do not let the devil win.
• Act like a soul mate first. Be the person that you would want to share a cell with, before you ask your mate to be that person. Allow your spouse time to deal with the shock.
• Husbands, ask your wives, “How can I love you in the ways that you most want and need to be loved?” Then act on her response. Besides what that will do for her, it will allow you to enjoy the freedom that comes by choosing to love.
• Wives, ask your husbands, “How can I respect you in the ways that you most want and need to be respected?” Then act on his response. You’ll not only help him stand tall; you’ll likely be amazed at the way he treats you as a result.
• Become a closer soul mate of Jesus Christ. Let His beauty be seen and reflected in you. He forgives. He encourages. He affirms. His yoke is easy, because He shares and carries the load with you. The more you think, speak, and act like Jesus, the more your spouse will want to be bound to you for life.

Sometimes just the title of a song captures an idea, like “(Happy to Be) Stuck with You,” sung by Huey Lewis & The News. That title combines these two great elements: joy and permanence. They are not contradictory; they belong together.

However, Tanya and I particularly love the lyrics of the song, “Something That We Do,” sung by Clint Black. Here are the words.

I remember well the day we wed, I can see that picture in my head.
I still believe the words we said, forever will ring true.

Love is certain, love is kind, love is yours, and love is mine,
But it isn’t something that we find. It’s something that we do.

It’s holding tight, and letting go. It’s flying high and lying low.
Let your strongest feelings show, and your weakness, too.

It’s a little and a lot to ask, an endless and a welcome task.
Love isn’t something that we have. It’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be,
Though we could find our strength and inspiration independently.
The way we work together is what sets our love apart,
So closely that we can’t tell where I end and where you start.

It gives me heart remembering how, we started with a simple vow.
There’s so much to look back on now. Still, it feels brand-new.

We’re on a road that has no end, and each day we begin again.
Love’s not just something that we’re in. It’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be,
Though we could find our strength and inspiration independently.
The way we work together is what sets our love apart,
So closely that we can’t tell where I end and where you start.

Love is wide, love is long, love is deep, and love is strong.
Love is why I love this song. I hope you love it, too.

I remember well the day we wed. I can see that picture in my head.
Love isn’t just those words we said. It’s something that we do.

There’s no request too big or small. We give ourselves; we give our all.
Love isn’t someplace that we fall. It’s something that we do.

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If you feel like cell mates, but you want to feel like soul mates, you probably already know where the keys are. Use them and enjoy the results!

Making God Look Good

What do others perceive about God … when they observe you?

Your life may be the first or the primary picture of God that some people see. The things you do, the words you speak, the way you dress, the friends you choose, the attitude you display at work, the interactions you have with your neighbors, and even the way you walk inevitably paint a picture for others who are watching. It’s not just a picture of you; it’s a picture of God, edited, filtered, or “Photoshopped” through your life.

Once you realize that your life is not about you, but rather about Him, your whole perspective changes. Instead of asking yourself, “How does this or that make me look? What will others think of me when they see this or hear this?” You ask, “How does this make God look? What will others think of Him when they see this or hear this?”

Yahweh (the Lord) made each of us, male and female, in His image (Ge 1:26f). That conveys the idea, not only that we already resemble Him in some ways, but also that we are intended to resemble Him in every way that we possibly can. We are, in a very real sense, God’s representatives here on earth.

Of course, Jesus as God in the flesh did this perfectly. So, He could say, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father” (Jn 14:9). Though we are merely imperfect, sinful human beings and not divine, our aim is to live so that others see God in our lives. The hymn, “Have Thine Own Way, Lord,” written by Adelaide A. Pollard, includes the prayer, “Fill with Thy Spirit, ‘til all shall see, Christ only, always, living in me.”

Jesus put it this way: “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven” (Mt 5:16). Peter added by inspiration, “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation” (1 Pe 2:12).

Likewise, the Holy Spirit led Paul to urge first-century slaves “to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect” (Ti 2:9-10). That word “adorn” translates the Greek word cosmeo, from which we derive the words “cosmetics” and “cosmetology.”

What a concept! Our lives can “adorn” or “beautify” the gospel message.

Consider what a young child concludes when hearing that God is their “heavenly Father.” That boy or girl is likely to suppose that God is similar in some important ways to their own earthly father. A father’s realization of this connection can revolutionize his heart, his teaching, and his behavior. He is showing God the Father to his child!

If that father is godly, holy, faithful, kind, generous, fair, firm, and consistent, in that sense he makes God look good! The child thinks, “My heavenly Father must be like that.” If, however, that father is rude, short-tempered, selfish, and worldly, he distorts and tarnishes the image of God that his child sees. He makes God look bad.

Sadly, the Bible records how God’s people sometimes made God look awful, so that the nations even blasphemed or cursed God.

While studying the life of King David in our Bible class, I noted again how his behavior made God look, that is, how his actions reflected on Yahweh and affected others’ view of Him. After David’s sin with Bathsheba and the subsequent death of her husband Uriah which David arranged, the prophet Nathan told him, “… by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme …” (2 Sa 12:14, NASB 95). In other words, the pagan unbelievers who opposed God would show utter contempt for Him because of what David had done.[1]

Paul noted that, though his fellow Jews knew God’s Law, and proclaimed God’s Law, they rejected it by their behavior (Ro 2:17-29). As a result, he wrote, “‘the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you,’ just as it is written” (Ro 2:24). In other words, their conduct made God look bad in the eyes of their pagan neighbors.

Paul was quoting the prophet Isaiah, who lived and preached in Judah in the 700s BC. Yahweh had said through Isaiah that, because of Judah’s sin, the Babylonians would capture and exile God’s people. Not only that; the Babylonians would mock, belittle, and blaspheme Israel’s God (Is 52:5).

God later said through the prophet Ezekiel that, when that exile did occur, Judah profaned (defiled, made common or unclean) His name among the nations. Judah made God look bad! He would bring the people of Judah back home, not for Judah’s sake, but for the sake of His own name, to restore His name in the sight of the nations.

Eze 36:20 “When they came to the nations where they went, they profaned My holy name, because it was said of them, ‘These are the people of the Lord; yet they have come out of His land.’ 21 “But I had concern for My holy name, which the house of Israel had profaned among the nations where they went. 22 “Therefore say to the house of Israel, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for My holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you went. 23 “I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord,” declares the Lord God, “when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight.

In the hymn, “The Love of God,” Laurene Highfield penned these powerful words: “We His glory must reflect, lest our dimness and neglect keep some soul from its God.”

Using a different analogy, Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).

That reminds me of a poem, “The Gospel According to You,” written by Arthur McPhee.

The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
Are read by more than a few,
But the one that is most read and commented on
Is the gospel according to you.

You are writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that you do and the words that you say.
Men read what you write, whether faithless or true,
Say, what is the gospel according to you?

Do men read His truth and His love in your life,
Or has yours been too full of malice and strife?
Does your life speak of evil, or does it ring true?
Say, what is the gospel according to you?

On the one hand, God’s glory is infinite and unstoppable. Ultimately, all will see Him in His full majesty and splendor. Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess His Name (Is 45:23; Rom 14:11; Phil 2:9-11). There is no doubt!

However, between now and then, you and I have a lot to do with the way that other people see the Lord. The way we live as Christians before a watching world portrays God, or paints a picture of God.

When others see our resemblance to Christ, they are much more likely to want our relationship with Christ. May our behavior form a bridge to the Lord and never create a barrier that keeps others from knowing Him.

So, go out today and every day … and make God look good!

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[1] According to the ESV translation, it was David himself, not God’s enemies, who scorned or blasphemed the Lord by his actions. The Hebrew verb form used in this verse can have a causative sense. It can either mean “to scorn” or “to cause [others] to scorn.” So, David’s sin either expressed or caused utter disregard for Yahweh.